I Just Can't Stop Myself

Wow! It' really been a long time since I've posted. Here's the short version of the last 10 days. Went to the Dells with hubby and a couple of friends. Had a blast. Involving little sleep and lots of food (among other things). Came home and surprise! It's Halloween and candy made its way into the house. And because I was already on a sugar buzz from the long weekend, the candy made its way into my mouth. How did that happen, she said innocently? Because the girl can't help herself.

And that where I'm at today. Once again having proved that when it comes to sugar-related foods, I have no brakes. None. Whatsoever. And I just need to accept that, move on and use the tools that keep me from eating my way back to 280 lbs. And those tools are eliminating those foods as options for me and tracking my food on a daily basis. I keep thinking at some point I shouldn't need to do that anymore but this seems more like a chronic condition that requires daily treatment to keep from flaring up. I have rosacea which requires daily use of skin cream and will never be cured. Is it out of the realm of possibility that my inability to eat just a little bit of sugary treats and desserts is also incurable? Most people probably say no but really, if I have to be honest, I have to say yes. That is certainly simpler than this back and forth I've been doing.

So back to the food tracking and out with sugar once again. Needless to say I undid all the progress I made last month and am starting over again.

Update on the problem with my hands and wrists. Everything is pretty much the same. If I take a buttload of Motrin every day it's managable but still painful. If I don't I'm miserable and cranky and hurt like hell. My EMG got rescheduled until the end of November so I'm contacting the doctor to get the referral to the hand surgeon she wanted to send me to. It will probably take a month to get an appointment. In the meantime, I try to not take too much Motrin and force myself to go to the gym. I decided since the weather was starting to get bad, that I would go a couple more mornings to do cardio, either treadmill or bike, and then get into the whirlpool. It seems to help with the pain at least for a while. I have to say it's getting really old though. It's definitely coloring my outlook on the world.

In the meantime, it's one foot in front of the other as far as my fitness/weight loss efforts go. I do the lifting and the walking, along with the food plan, and take the results as they come. That's all I can do at this point. Hopefully some day I'll be back to feeling like a fit energetic person again.

The New Normal

I'm starting to think this is the way it's going to be from here on out and I should just get used to it. Things get worse, things get better, it's always something. And I suppose if I really think about (and stop feeling sorry for myself!) that's pretty much the way everyone's life. is. It's just that for me, life has gotten really good in many, many ways but now it's my body that's the main irritation and source of concern.

The tendonitis in my wrist seems to slowly be getting better. I'm able to take the wrap off for short periods of time and the pain is more of a dull ache instead of sharp pain. The joints in my hands still hurt but it bothers me only in the morning and works itself out after a few hours. I've gotten a couple of test results back. The hypothyroid test was negative. The autoimmune antibody test was negative as well; however, it was on the high side of normal. I also saw that the rheumatoid arthritis factor test was a hair above normal (not what the doctor told me). I'm thinking of asking for another set of tests in 3-4 months to see if there is a trend or if that is normal for me. I haven't gotten the x-ray results yet and I'm having the EMG next Monday, so there's still more to come that may give a clearer picture.

The good news is that I lost another pound last week. Now at 225.6 lbs. I'm dropping another 100 calories a day this week (down to 2200) and adding more walking minutes. My plan is to drop 100 calories a week until I get to 1800 cal Mon-Fri and add minutes to my walking session until I'm up to 30 minutes per session. At that point I'll add a session of bike sprints. I want to do it slowly so my body gets used to less calories and more activity in a gentle way.

My workout this morning was really good. I had a small pang of "don't wanna go" but that passed quickly and I enjoyed being at the gym and working up a sweat. My hands hurt during my workout but I actually think it's good because I get some strength and mobility work for them. And that's never a bad thing.

Feeling Better

Still feeling pretty blah about workouts. I think it's the early morning hour, the fact that it's dark, cold and rainy in the morning and this pain in my hands and wrists (which is worse in the morning right after I wake up) that is making me so crabby about getting to the gym. The workout today was quite good and I felt stronger and more energized afterwards. Maybe I just need to keep telling myself I'll feel so much better if I get it done. That's the ticket.

No update on the tests. All I've gotten so far is the RA autoimmune test which was negative, as I figured it would be. The pain seems to be getting better, especially the tendonitis in my right wrist, so maybe it is healing although very slowly. Food is good but no weight loss yet. What do I expect when my deficit is not yet that deep? LOL

Onwards....

Some Days Feel Like Weeks

Very blah and unmotivated today. I almost didn't go to the gym because I felt so crappy (and crabby) when I woke up. But I knew if I didn't get to the gym to at least do SOMETHING that I'd be losing more ground in my journey. So to the gym I went...

I saw the doctor yesterday morning and didn't get many answers but just a lot of questions. Which still need to be answered. I had x-rays and lab tests yesterday to rule out osteoarthritis, wrist fracture, rheumatoid arthritis and hypothyroidism. I'm also having an EMG in two weeks to check for carpal tunnel damage. I go the results for the RA test back and that was negative. I'm almost hoping that something turns up so at least I'd have an answer that could be solved.

More update to come as I get results back....

My Traveling Nightmare

...or "No more connecting flights, ever again!"

My trip to Oakland was going so well until it came time to go home. The day started wonderfully, with a ferry ride across the bay to San Francisco. We didn't get to see much...just the Bay Bridge and a long-distance view of Alcatraz. From the Ferry Building we walked to the BART station for a 30 minute ride to the airport. My flight was scheduled for 1 pm and I had left early to take the ferry with a couple of people who were leaving earlier. No problem, I said. I can hang out for a couple of hours at the airport. Unfortunately for me (super unfortunate as it turned out), my flight was delayed long enough that I would miss my connecting flight in Dallas. Long story short, I wound up on a straight shot flight to Chicago that left at 7:30 pm San Fran time and didn't arrive in Chicago until 1:30 am. By the time I got home and in bed it was 3 am. I had to start my Friday with only 3 hours sleep. I am so bad when I don't get enough sleep.

Other than that, my trip went well. Only one workout but a lot of walking and my food was ok enough that I didn't take a weight gain hit. I'm back on my deficit plan and walking. Workouts will start again tomorrow. Time to grind it out to the goal!

California Dreamin'

Hey, guess where I am! I'm in Oakland, CA. Sitting in my hotel room after a looooong day of travel. My feet hurt and I haven't had dinner yet. Not complaining though.

Good thing #1: My food has been good today and I have no cravings or desire to overeat which traveling has a way of doing to me.
Good thing #2: The fitness center has weights. I thought I would be limited to a treadmill or bike but I'm walking so much I won't need those. I won't be able to do Rog's workouts but I'll cobble something awesome together using the dumbbells.

To update, I'm down another pound and feeling less bloated. I'm pretty fluffy right now though so I'm looking forward to getting these pounds off. I feel like my mindset is getting in the groove of the grind. So it's all good.

Mid-Week Check-In

And....so far, so good.

1. I'm down 2 lbs. of bloat and feeling much better.
2. Following my food plan.
3. Completed all 3 walks.
4. Up to 210 swings so far.
5. The new workout was tougher than I thought it would be. Especially the cable rows and ball plank. And looking at tomorrow's workout I can see I'll be stepping up my game to a new level.

Every Journey Begins With A Single Step

It's here! It's here! The first day of my new journey has arrived.

Boy, am I underwhelmed. Maybe it's just because I had a big weekend filled with fun, food (spoiler alert: it was lot), gambling, and family that's left me pretty tired today. The car is back in the shop getting the remaining fixes so we can past the air quality test so no gym this morning. Instead I walked, foam rolled and swung a kettle bell. I also weighed myself after a week of pretty much throwing caution to the wind, knowing the Big Day was right around the corner. Lo and behold, my weight was up to 230 lbs. Of course, bloat and carbs and all that, yada yada. Be that as it may, I was planning on a weight of 224 lbs to start so I have to add 6 lbs and maybe another two months to the plan. But 12 months is a nice round number and I was planning on doing this slowly anyway.

Goals for this week:
1. Three 15-minute walks. (one done today)
2. 2500 calories every day (which is less than I've been eating this last week).
3. 200 KB swings. (60 today)
4. Get my ducks in a row for next week's trip to Oakland.

Changes

Getting closer to the start of fat burning and time to kick things into a higher gear!

I've decided to make changes during the next ten or so months not only to my body but also to my mind and lifestyle. How's that for an ambitious goal? I realized (yet again) that I've been spinning my wheels and idling my engine over the past year (sheesh, mix metaphors much?) If I'm going to make progress I need to make some major changes to become someone living life as healthy as possible. So here's the deal. I've identified ten bad habits I have that I want to turn into good habits. So let's call this the Bad to Good Transformation Challenge. Whatever...

Here's the bad, the good but fortunately no ugly.

1. Bad: Slacking off on the soft tissue rehab.
    Good: 10 minutes of foam rolling and mobility for the most ouchy areas every morning on non-gym days.
2. Bad: Not stretching after weight training.
    Good: Add 10 minutes of stretching for the tightest areas after every workout.
3. Bad: Eating too fast.
    Good: Extend meals to 20 minutes by chewing more, putting fork or spoon down between bites and savoring food between bites.
4. Bad: Unrealistic goal setting.
    Good: Be honest about what I want and what I can truly achieve. Be humble enough to admit my shortcomings. Set goals that are truly realistic even if it means slow progress.
5. Bad: Getting too much nervous system stimulation before bed.
    Good: No computer after dinner, turn off the TV earlier. Do something else that relaxes the nervous system for bedtime.
6. Bad: Not consistently weighing and measuring food, especially meat.
    Good: Weigh and measure all foods at least every other day to get better at eyeballing real portion sizes.
7. Bad: Negative self-talk.
    Good: Say something positive about myself every day when looking in mirrors or looking at pictures.
8. Bad: Too much blog reading and other time wasters.
    Good: Limit or eliminate blog reading in the morning and evening. Do something else like taking a walk or other healthy activity.
9. Bad: Comparing myself to others.
    Good: Similar to #7, say something positive about myself when looking at other women's bodies (real women or in magazines or TV).
10. Bad: Viewing junk food as a reward.
      Good: View junk food as a neutral food by only indulging in planned non-reward situations.

I will tackle each one of these for one month, starting with #1 in October. Actually, I've started doing that this week to get a head start. I'll blog about my progress as I go along and we'll see how much healthier my life is at the other end.

Finding the Edge

After reading Rog's last blog post, here, I got to thinking about what my particular edge will be to hone during my fat burning phase. It occurred to me that the biggest fear I have is hunger. It's a fear I have whether I'm dieting or not and one that often drives me to eat when I don't really need to.

You would think that maintenance should mean "not hungry". I here to say NOT SO! I have often gotten hungry during my maintenance phase, especially right after eating a meal (within 30-60 minutes usually). Does this mean I really need more food or that my body is not getting enough calories? Not if I'm planning my meals correctly. From what I've read by following Leigh Peele, this happens as part of the digestion process, especially when the meal is high in carbs (insulin response). So the response to hunger isn't always to eat.

But tell that to my mind! My mind hates discomfort in any form. Life is a series of discomforts, some of which must be borne and some that can be dealt with. Food has been something in the later category because food is always so available. No need to ever go hungry around here! This has been such a huge challenge when I'm dieting and usually is the the thing that derails my progress. In order to diet successfully, the deficit must be maintained. Which means living in a state of hunger more or less constantly. Which wears on a body after a while, especially when it disrupts sleep.

This will be the edge I will have to "lean against" and find my limit and my solutions. Hunger and I will be doing a dance over the next ten months and I have to learn how to lead. I'm not sure how I'll do it but I know that, like The Bride, I have to keep focused on the end game and not get lost in the forest.

Revisiting an Old Friend

The bad news....only one workout last week because I didn't have a car from Wednesday to Friday. The car was in the shop getting fixed so it would pass the air quality test the state requires to get the license plate renewed. Unfortunately, it still didn't pass so back to the shop this week. I'm hoping it will get fixed in one day and not impact my getting to the gym.

The good news...I'm revisitng yoga class. Before I got back into strength training a few years ago, I was doing yoga once a week at the gym. Obviously being 60 lbs heavier than I am now, it was a struggle and not terribly useful to get fit. But as an addition to my fitness routine now it's great. I definitely need more work with stretching and joint mobility (and stress relief is a plus). So I went to a beginner's level class on Saturday. It felt great...until the next day when I woke up with a sore lower back. Certainly not as bad as when I injured it deadlifting but sore nonetheless. I just dealt with it by sitting when it got too painful. It didn't prevent me from taking Cappy to the dog park for our Sunday walk. And I spent a bit more time this morning with the foam rolling and mobility. It's feeling pretty good right now so I think it was just doing moves I wasn't used to doing.

I'm chugging along with preparations for next week's switch to fat burning. This week I'll be cooking up some crockpot meals that are lowfat lunch staples and finishing up the higher carb foods in the fridge. I've also been mulling an additional challenge for my ten-month effort that I'll talk about in my next post. It will be awesome, I promise!

Committments

I know I've been remiss with postings lately but that's going to change. As I move into my next fat burning phase, I will be posting a minimum of three times a week just to keep me honest, on track and talking through all the ups and downs that is fat burning.

Roger and I talked about the plan that will start on October 1. Here it is in a nutshell (walnut, I believe).

1. Current weight 225. Goal weight 194 (5 lbs less than where I'll settle once I move back to maintenance). I'll start by dropping 100 calories each week (Monday through Friday) from my top end 2500 until I've got a 500 calorie daily deficit 5 days a week. Weekends will stay at 2500 calories. This will give me an eventual 1500 calorie a week deficit or around 3 lbs a week. Given my goal, I should achieve that sometime next June.

2. Right now I'm not doing much exercise other than weight training 3 times a week and walking the dog. I'll bring back the extra walks, starting at 15 minutes 3 times a week and increasing to 30 minutes 3 times a week over time. After I get back from my trip to Cali I'll add bike sprints once a week like I was doing before this whole maintenance gig.

3. Finally I wanted to add a performance goal so that I have something other than weight loss to focus on and something that would be FUN! (remember that?) and would improve my overall performance. To that end, I've decided that would be kettlebell swings. I'm setting a goal of 10,000 swings from October to June. Very doable I think. Roger will add swings to my weight routine to hit them from the heavy angle (for strength and power) and I'll add them on the other days for metabolic conditioning. A one-two punch.

I think this is a very sound plan and one that I can live with for the length of time it will take to achieve the goals.

I'm Back, Baby!

Not quite sure why I couldn't get into my blog last week but it seems to be fine now.

Not a lot to update right now. I'm still on maintenance and plan to be here for two more weeks. So far, so good. The workouts are going well. I'm adding at least 3-4 reps a workout and increasing weight once I'm comfortably 5 reps over the target. My weight is down this morning (221 1/2 lbs.), probably due to getting rid of the food baby from last Friday's pizza and ice cream fest. Yes, I know, TMI. That's another thing I'm getting used to, among many things, is the weight going up and down one or two pounds. It's not the end of the world! It doesn't really mean anything. As long as it's not going up and up, then I'm ok and don't need to sweat it. Speaking of sweat, I've completely eliminated all extra exercise, except for dog walking and my usual activities. I decided to hold off on any extra walking, bike sprints or other non-life-essential activity until the fat burning phase so I can take full advantage of the additional calorie burn along with the deficit. Pretty clever, yes?

The plan is to start fat burning on October 1. I found out I'll be traveling to Seattle for work the following week (10-8 through 10-11). I think I'll deal with it, since my plan is to drop slowly into my deficit, so I shouldn't be greatly stressed that week. If I up my activity level it should be enough of a deficit to have some effect. My goal is to get down to 194 lb., with the thought that going into maintenance after that will up the weight to around 199 lb. All I want right now is to get and stay under 200 lb. before going into the final push to my ultimate goal of 170 lb. I'm figuring 3 lb a month should put me at my intermediate goal by the beginning of June next year. That seems like a long time but I'd rather take my time than continue going up and down with no progress, so if it's takes 10 months to lose 30 lbs, it takes 10 months.

More Complex Than Expected

I still haven't reached my happy place yet for this maintenance thing. I've been increasingly hungry over the last few days, which has been affecting my sleep. Last night I even started getting that creepy crawly feeling in my abdomen before I went to bed. I'm starting think that feeling is just a really weird way my body has of telling my it's hungry and wants food.

Anyway, I felt it was bad enough to eat something even though I'd met my calorie allotment. So I had some lowfat yogurt and granola right before bed which quelled whatever the heck it is that was happening. Unfortunately I still woke up around 2 am with the crawly feeling (which felt more like real hunger this time). I just dealt with it until I got up for the day. I weighed and low and behold had lost another pound. Down to 219.6 lbs. (started at 223 two weeks ago). Since the objective of maintenance is to MAINTAIN (duh!), obviously I haven't found the right calorie level to match my calorie burn. I did start out with a low calorie level because I thought I had decreased my activity level with the new job, but I guess it wasn't as much as I assumed it to be. And I added the bike sprints this week. I'm thinking it probably would be a good idea to stop that during the maintenance phase and keep it in the toolbox for deficit time.

With all that in mind, I'm raising the calorie level 100 calories to 2300 calories a day. I'll weigh tomorrow and see if I stay at the same weight or go up. That will tell me if the plan to add calories is a good one. I'll be very active this weekend in Wisconsin, so I'm not worried about gaining if I stick to my calorie level. And I'll regroup next Tuesday to evaluate where I'm at and if I'm on the right track. I've decided that Rog is right, that two months is a better timeframe for doing this. Since I'm still not truly in maintenance yet, I'll start the two-month clock when I'm confident that I am. No hurry...I'm learning a lot every day because this maintenance thing is way more complex than I ever expected it to be. If I do this correctly now, my deficit phase will kick some major ass.

By Jove, I Think I've Got It

Adding 100 calories to daily maintenance has done the trick. I'm clocking in at 2200 calories a day since Saturday and my weight has settled at 221 lbs. Now the work is to maintain that for 10 days to 2 weeks (still haven't decided when I'll start playing with deficits). I feel good. My sleep is good. My workouts are good. It's alllll good! :)

My goal over the next week is to learn what 2200 calories looks like and feels like. The biggest thing I've learned so far is that whatever I think a normal serving of food is, cut it in half because that's really what a normal serving is. Especially restaurant food and that's nice for taking a meal home for lunch but really blows when your partner or group are eating everything they're served. After this week, my challenge will be to take what I'm learning and see how well I do when I'm away from home for a couple of days. We're going to our friend's house in WI over Labor Day and I'm not going to track my food while I'm there. I'll write it down and log it once I get back to see if I'm able to accurately eyeball how much food is maintenance level. And weigh as well to see if I'm holding steady. My ultimate goal, and this is a long way off, is to be able to do maintenance long-term without logging my food every day. Obviously, because I'd like to have a normal life at some point. LOL

Saturday in the Park

Feeling good today! I got two restful nights in a row and I've been keeping on a regular schedule of three doses of Motrin a day so the joint pain is now a very dull roar. I had a good workout yesterday and I'm ready to get back to daily walks. I hesitate to say life is back to normal but two days in a row...I'll take it.

Yesterday was my first day of maintenance. I hit my allotted calories with 40% carbs. My preworkout "meal" was a cup of coffee with 2 T. of coconut milk which held me very well. The postworkout "meal" was a cup of skim milk with half a scoop of protein powder which I drank in the car on the way home. Breakfast at 8 held me until around 11 when I started obsessing on the next meal. Lunch at 12:30 held me until about 2:30. I was so hungry I had a bagel which held me until dinner at 5:30. It looks like small meals every 3 hours is going to be the norm no matter what.

I decided the first step to address my food addiction/obsession will be to stop all my surfing of food and cooking blogs and to stop watching any of the food porn cooking shows on TV. Although entertaining and informative, I think they do trigger lots of food obsession when even when I not dieting. Like yesterday I noticed when I got hungry in the afternoon I found myself hopping over to one of my food sites. It took a while to make the connection between my hunger, my wanting to hold off eating, and going to the food site to get a "fix" of food. I need to find other things to distract when hunger hits.

Now I'm off to hit the grocery stores for the week's food shopping. It will be interesting to see if I get any food triggers from being around all the food.

Mastering Maintenance

Since I last checked in I decided to end my attempt at a Whole30 because of major sleep issues. I'm feeling much better since I ended it on Tuesday but my sleep issues haven't completely resolved. My shoulder was acting up again last night so I had trouble falling asleep because I couldn't get comfortable. I finally did what I should have done earlier in the day and took some Motrin. I'm leery of taking too much Motrin but I think it's better to rely on it short term if it gets me back in action sooner. I went to the gym Wednesday morning and did my workout but the pain in my joints kept me from enjoying any of it. That's why I think it's more important to manage the pain rather than worry about any side affects from Motrin.

The title of this post refers to something that I'm reluctant to talk about, something that's pretty embarassing. But I have to talk about it if I have any chance of fixing it. I was feeling rather down on Wednesday (due to the joint pain, sleep problems, "failure" to finish the Whole30 goal) so I decided to reach back in my archives to listen to some of Leigh Peele's podcasts. The one I picked was called "Belief in Fat Loss". I don't know why I picked that one but I'm glad I did because it hit me over the head with major emotion bombs. There were so many nuggets of goodness in there I can't do it justice but describing them. At one point, Leigh explained what she was saying with an hypothetical scenario that was anything but hypothetical to me. She was describing my life exactly to a T. And it hurt big-time because the question posed by the scenario was why would I want to do this (meaning trying to live a healthy lifestyle and lose body fat).

It's a good question. Why would I want to keep doing this? I'm not trying to date. My husband doesn't care if I do this or not. There's no one who cares about this except me. It would be a hell of a lot easier to not do it. I realized that the reason is pride and vanity. Yes, I want to be strong and healthy, especially going into my senior years, but I want to look GOOD. No, I want to look DAMN FINE. Like I could date any guy if I wanted to. In other words, my self esteem wants to do this. Which is why it's embarassing to admit this. My self esteem has take a big hit over the last year because I've been unable to finish the job of losing the fat and really establish a permanent and sustainable healthy maintenance. Then Leigh said you have to master maintenance in order to master the deficit. If you don't really master maintenance then all you're doing is yo-yo dieting.

And that's when the emotion bomb really fell on me. That's when it finally dawned on me that's exactly what I've been doing the past year. I diet for a period of time (sometimes long, sometimes short) and then say I'm going to do maintenance, usually for a vacation, and wind up using the time to drift back to overeating. I have never mastered maintenance. I have no idea what it feels like to truly eat at maintenance and certainly not for any length of time. That's when I had to admit to myself what is at the heart of the matter. I've never really put my food issues behind me. I've always thought that because I haven't indulged in binge behavior for almost 20 years that I didn't have food issues any more. But that's not true. I do have issues because I obsess about food all the time. I love to pore over cooking blogs. I'm always thinking about when the next meal is coming. I love going out to dinner and when I know we're going out I think about it all day. And the biggest thing is that I still look at sweets as the forbidden holy grail, my "precious". That's the one thing I don't allow myself so that when I do decide to eat it, it's like taking drugs.

I don't think I will ever have any success losing more body fat until I master maintenance and deal with the food addiction. I don't know how I'm going to do that but I want to start by learning what the heck maintenance means for me. I've never actually done it so I have to learn by trial and error (hopefully not too much error!) I calculated what my maintenance calories should be based on the fact that I'm more sedentary now with this new job. I will track my food every day in SparkPeople so I learn what that number of calories (2100) look like in the amount of food I get. I know my food addiction will rear their head during this time because that part of myself looks at "maintenance" as oh goody I get to eat whatever I want. When I don't let that happen, my food addiction is going to complain. When that happens I will write about and listen to Leigh's podcasts again. I hope to figure out what is really triggering my addictions other than the food itself so I can figure how to fix it. I have no idea how long that will take but right now I'm thinking I'll do maintenance for two weeks and then re-evaluate where I'm at. In the meantime, I'll do my workouts and rehab to heal my joint problems. I can't think about doing a fat loss deficit now because it will just be more yo-yo dieting and not really permanent.

Catching Up

Ever since I started working from home I've been very la-la-la about my time. I decided this week to put some parameters around the days I work. Like going to bed and waking up at the same time. Like starting my workday at the same time, unless I have a very early meeting to attend. Like making sure I at least put on some real clothes and not workout clothes or jammies. :)

And I've gotten very la-la-la about posting to the blog. Mostly that because my days aren't very remarkable. I've gotten used to eating Whole 30 style and there isn't much to say about that other than it's day 16 and I'm still going strong. I still have issues with hunger and sleep that pop up here and there. I started having a new issue since I began eating this way (about a week before my Whole30 officially started). My joints, particularly those in my hands and feet, began hurting. All the time, but especially in the morning. My index fingers and my right forefoot seem swollen. I'm not sure what this means. I'm hoping it's some chronic inflammation working its way out but who knows. I checked the Whole30 message board yesterday and saw that some people had the same issue so maybe it's one of those less-than-common things that happens. The other thing is that I pee a lot at night. I know, TMI! But I do. Three times a night my bladder wakes me up and I pee like a racehorse. I hope this settles down as well because I'm not drinking any more water than I normally do so it has to be some metabolic thing.

One more thing...I broke down and weighed myself yesterday morning. I know I said I was going to wait until the end of the 30 days but I couldn't resist. It was the halfway point and I HAD to know. So I weigh 218.2 lbs which is one pound less than two weeks ago. Not quite where I wanted to be but that's ok. I know my gut looks smaller so something is going on. However, I decided to cut out fruit for the next two weeks just for a bit of a calorie deficit and because I really don't need it. I eat two serving a day but it's more for a treat than because I'm hungry.

I didn't go to the gym this morning because my wrist started hurting quite badly last night (that joint thingy has now moved to my left wrist). I'm wearing the hand brace I bought when my thumb flared up and taking Motrin so hopefully it will calm down enough by tomorrow morning that I can go. I've been walking more and feeling good about it so...progress! Gotta love it.

Don't Wanna Be No Hero

Today's Day 12 of my Whole 30...almost half way through. I survived a big challenge yesterday. Going out to dinner. Normally this would be no big deal but when you're being strict with exactly what foods and ingredients you eat, it's rather a challenge to navigate a menu. We went to one of our favorite restaurants so I was familiar with the menu and knew what I had to address so I didn't eat something not approved. I knew that dairy was off the table so I had to bring coconut milk for my coffee. And I knew the salad dressing wouldn't pass muster so I brought some red wine vinaigrette I had made. My entree choice was a half chicken that was advertised as "Amish free range" which is good but eating the skin is off limits since the chicken isn't pastured. I had a good-sized salad with hearts of palm (never ate those before) and avocado. I gave the twice baked potato to Chris and passed on the brussel sprouts on the side (not ready to go there yet!). So I'm very happy with my success in that challenge.

I went to the gym for a proper workout for the first time in about a month. I was very very careful with my choice of weights and I'm glad because my back was at bit sore afterwards. Sore enough that I lay down on a couple of ice packs when I got home. Everything was fine after that so I don't think the soreness was a big deal. Just the product of doing movements I haven't done in a while. However, the squats were a problem (still). These old knees are just miserable. I squatted until I felt pain which was about 3/4 of the way down so I got through it but it didn't feel very good. On the hip thrusts, I decided not to be a hero and just did them with bodyweight to see how it felt (it was ok). The shoulder was a little painful with the floor presses but not overly so. I think with more shoulder strengthening over time that will get better. Overall, my feeling is that I have to concentrate on strengthening all the muscles that support the bad joints rather than focus on the big showy lifts that make my ego feel good. I don't need to be a hero that's always injured.

Here's the workout in more detail:

Floor press  12.5 lb x 3 x 8
Hip thrust     bw x 3 x 10

Lat pulldown   50 lb x 1 x 8, 45 lb x 3 x 8
Standing DB hold   22.5 lb x 3 x 30 sec

BW squat      3 x 10
DB hammer curl   10 lb x 3 x 12

Full can shoulder raise  8 lb x 2 x 10

I'm Happy Today

That was a quick turn in attitude, she said! Wha happened??

Well, I'm working again thanks to the good folks who keep Michigan records. I put in a rush request to get my birth certificate and thankfully it came today. Of course I had to pay almost $70 to get it but it was totally worth it to get back to work so quickly.

I had my first cheat food dream last night. That's supposed to happen early in the Whole30 process so I'm a little late to the party. The amazing thing is that for years and years I rarely remembered my dreams. But this time I knew I was dreaming and remembered it. I was eating M&M's that tasted like mint chocolate chips. Yum. And I didn't feel a bit guilty about it when I woke up. Probably because I knew I was dreaming. It's getting easier to put meals together, as long as I make sure I have enough food in the house. That's been the biggest thing for me to figure out so far...how much veggies I need to buy so that I don't run out by mid-week. I'm trying to buy a new veggie every week. This week it was Swiss chard. I've cooked it like spinach and used it in salads. It's not bad, just kind of boring.

PT will be done next week, thank god. I'm getting tired of going, although I did learn some great exercises that I'll keep doing. The shoulder is much better but still gets twingy in certain positions. I wouldn't rule out needing surgery at some point down the line to clean things out in there. But I think I've gotten it strong enough at this point and will get it stronger so I can put off surgery until I decide it's time to do it.

I'm Bummed Today

What a sucky day. Not because I feel bad or didn't sleep well or any of the usual things. Because I screwed up my employment documents and now can't work (as in won't get paid) until I get this worked out.

Turns out I needed to send my employer proof of citizenship, which is either a passport, Social Security card or birth certificate. I don't have a passport (because god forbid the hubby will go anywhere that requires one). I thought I had my SS card but apparently lost it somewhere down the line. And lo and behold, what I thought was my valid birth certificate is only a hospital birth certificate and not a state birth certificate which is official. So I've applied to get a copy of my Michigan birth certificate sent overnight which may not happen until Friday if they find it right away.

So here I sit on my ass stewing. Which is not delicious yummy beef stew but something not tasty at all. I was actually feeling pretty good this morning, having slept well and have a wonderful breakfast. So things are mainly going right except for this. But if it doesn't get resolved soon I'll be one cranky-ass b*tch.

Day Five

Day five is in the books and *knock on wood* I'm feeling a lot better. I had a good night's sleep last night and my energy level was up today. My shoulder was achy yesterday during my workout but it's better today. All in all, I'm liking this food plan and I think I'm ready to get back to a regular workout plan again.

Since my back was feeling better, I was ready to take my dog back to the dog park. I had to stop to rest a couple of times but I was able to walk the regular route around the park. It's time to get back to regular walks as well. Time for EVERYTHING to get back to normal.

Day Three

Well, I've made it through three days of my Whole30 challenge. Only 27 more to go!

So far it's not been too bad, although I'm still having sleep issues and I had a really bad day on Thursday because of them. I had a really hard time falling asleep Wednesday night. When I did, apparently I turned on my right side and crunched my neck and shoulder. When I woke up both were painful and I had a lack-of-sleep hangover. Things went steadily downhill all day due to sitting in front of the computer (even though I frequently got up to move and ride the bike). By the end of the day, my neck was in full spasm on the right side and I couldn't turn my head to the right. This made driving to the PT a bit of challenge (no sudden lanes changes from left to right please!) The PT immediately saw that I was in pain and abandoned her plan to focus on my neck. She did some manipulation and put me in a hot pack. That helped somewhat but I went home still in pain and limited mobility. Fortunately, I had some Flexerol left over from my back. I took one of those and went to bed as soon as it kicked in. And slept like the dead. All night. Thank god.

Friday was an awesome day. All that deep sleep took away the pain and every part of my body seemed to be functioning just fine. I didn't get as deep a sleep last night but did sleep through the night. Basically I feel ok this morning but the joints are a bit stiff. Good thing I'll be going to the gym for some foam rolling and shoulder exercises.

I forgot to mention in my last post that I weighed myself at the start of Day One. I weighed 219.2 lb which is 2.5 lb less than I weighed at the start of July. I'm not going to weigh again till the end because this isn't about the scale. However, I do want to gauge how this affects weight loss. I'm not counting calories or macros, just going by my hunger and energy levels. I might be eating at maintenance and then again, I might not. If I can keep my activity level up while keeping the food at a reasonable level, I may lose some weight/fat. Me...an experiment of one!

I didn't get to making the mayo because of all my troubles but I have it on my agenda for this weekend. I need to make some for chicken salad and for salad dressings since the stuff in the bottles has gone bye-bye. I'll try to post some pics after my first attempt. Should be an adventure!

Day One

First day of a new challenge! I've been following the Whole9 program for the most part for two weeks, but can I follow it strictly to the letter for 30 entire days? I'm going to find out...stay tuned.

I'm still plagued by sleep troubles. Even though I went to bed exhausted, last night I tossed and turned because my body just felt so jazzed up. Usually two ZMA will take care of that. I even took an epsom salt bath but no dice. I feel like I'm hungry but my tummy's not growly. I think it's my body looking to be fed some of those overstimulating carbs (bread or sugary food). Hopefully my metabolism will switch over fat-adapted so that I tap into the fat stores at night instead of looking for a sugar hit.

Now that I'm working at home, I don't have the opportunity for additional daily movement like I did at the other job. I used to have lots of space on our floor to walk around and could easily clock 8000 steps a day. At home, I don't have that space to walk so I decided instead to use my Air-Dyne. As often as I can, I'm going to do 5 minutes on the bike every hour I'm in my home office. Today I got 6 sessions for 30 minutes. I'd like to work up to an hour a day if I can but we'll see once my full workload kicks in.

Next challenge on my plate....making my own mayo!

Sunday Update

Whew! Sunday's finally here. For a week that was supposed to be for relaxing and recharging before starting the new job, it's been pretty busy.

On the injury rehab front, I've decided to go to the gym six days a week and alternate the shoulder rehab exercise program with the back/glute program Rog gave me. This forces me to do foam rolling and mobility every day. This worked out well this week; however on Saturday I did a group core class which put me over the top as far as my back is concerned. I was hoping it would be more like the class I took a couple of months ago...slower and focused on good form with lots of modifications. Unfortunately, it was one of those "cardio-style" classes with fast pounding music and choreographed ab routines where the instructor does 3-4 slow reps to demonstrate and then does the rest to the tempo of the music. Totally not good for my back. That, along with my shoulder program and all the walking I did for grocery shopping, was way too much and my back was sore by the evening.

Today is for cooking and laundry but mostly relaxing. All my equipment for the new job arrived on Friday so Chris and I spent some time yesterday getting it set up in my upstairs office. I've got some space logistics to figure out but once I have everything right where I need it, it will be awesome because I have all my exercise equipment in there. I plan on using the Air-Dyne much more often since I'll have it right there to jump on during the day. Which I need to do since I don't have the opportunity to walk as much during my work day as I did at NorthShore. I'm still formulating the plan to make sure I do it.

That's about it. I'll be back in the gym early tomorrow morning and figuring out the timing of my new morning routine.

Mama Got a Brand New Pair of Shoes

Sorry for not posting for a couple of days. I'm sort of in a transition haze between my old routine to the new one (still in formation) for the new job that I'll start on Monday. Top that off with the sugar detox, switching to a new food plan and a new workout due to the PT and low back problems and I'm still kind of a mess. But getting better every day. So I try to be patient with myself knowing that's a lot of change to deal with all at once.

I bought a new pair of running shoes on Tuesday. I knew the ones I had were not doing their job anymore and the bad back really confirmed that. I went and got a new pair of New Balance which is my preferred brand along with an insert for extra cushioning. Boy, does it make a difference. The back is still a bit ouchy in the morning but I can stand to cook and clean and walk the dog without too much problem if I'm wearing the shoes.

I had another PT session today and have been bumped up to doing the I,T,Y,W exercise on a ball instead of flat on my stomach. And I'm to do all exercises for 2 sets of 15. I did talk to her about doing them every day and she agreed that is too much and to back off to every other day. I think I'll be doing these for quite a while because I can tell how weak the muscles are, especially on the left where the injury is. However, I'm seriously thinking of going to the gym 5-6 days a week anyway because I tend not to do the foam rolling and mobility if I'm at home. That alone is worth a trip to the gym.

The sugar detox is continuing. I'm on day 6 today. It's really been up and down as far as my mood and how I feel overall. Day 3 was miserable because I felt so depleted and cranky. Day 4 was good but on Day 5 I had trouble sleeping. I've been doing the new food plan Whole30 about 90% to the letter. I finished reading It Starts With Food so I know the tweaks I need to make to be completing following the plan 100%. I even talked to Chris about not going out to eat for the month of August (to eliminate the possibility of eating something that's not on the plan) and he agreed to that, which is a good sign for success. I'm glad I'm doing this detox now and getting that part of the transition out of the way.

To conclude on a happy note...some food porn for you bacon lovers out there. Enjoy.
Bacon-Wrapped Smoky Chicken Thighs!!!

Good Riddance

Today is day three of my sugar detox. I have to say I've never been happier to get this stuff out of my life. Usually I'm all baby wah wah about giving up sweets but I'm so intent on changing my lifestyle this time around that I'm happy to see them go.

My new obsession is veggies, or more specifically how to get more of these little devils onto my plate. Last night I made a favorite, sauteed green beans and cherry tomatoes. I had a heaping pile of those with my lamb chops and mashed sweet potatoes. I must say that sweet potatoes have become an all-time favorite. I've even got the hubby eating them without complaint.

This morning it was sliced sweet onion and mushroom sauteed in coconut oil with a couple of beaten eggs to make an omelet. Add half a grapefruit and some coffee and it's a yummy meal.

I'm looking forward to getting back into the gym. My back just doesn't want to stop with the morning hurt so I'm learning to deal with it while I focus on rehab and strengthening my weakness. The big lifts will have to wait for a while. The physical therapist gave me two new exercises to do along with the rotator cuff and scapular strengthening exercises. Both are for the serratus.

This is the first one. She has me doing it lying length-wise on a foam roller with a 3# weight in my hand.
Serratus Exercise #1

The second is similar to a pullover (I couldn't find a video of exactly what this looks like). Still lying on the foam roller with the 3# weight in hand, I bring the arm up from my side over the head in an arc until I feel pain or pulling in the shoulder and then bring it back down again. One set of 20 on both exercises.

I need major work on the glutes and hips since that seems to be main areas affected (or affecting) my back problem. Rog is going to give me a couple of routines I can use for at least a couple of weeks to get things back into balance. Between the PT and Rog's workouts I've got plenty of work cut out for me!

Endings and Beginnings

Two more days until the new era begins. It's been really sad saying goodbye to so many people. But it's been gratifying to hear that these people will really miss me. I've spent most of the last year like a turtle inside her shell just trying to deal with the BS going on in my work life that I lost sight of all the good I've done and all the positive vibes I've spread during my time there.

Part of starting the new era, I think, will be a new focus on my fitness program. I went to physical therapy on Tuesday to have the initial assessment done of my torn rotator cuff. Long story short, the weakness is in the muscles in the upper back and around the scapula and also in the rotator muscles (duh) particularly the one that brings the arm up parallel to the side. I had no strength at all when the therapist pushed down on my outstretched arm. It was scary. She also commented on the stiffness in the extension of my thoracic spine.

I was prescribed a series of exercises to do every day:

1. External and internal rotation with a band. I think this is pretty standard for shoulder strengthening.
2. Something the PT called "full can" which was to anchor the band with my foot and then, with my thumb pointing up and my arm at a 45 degree angle from my body, raise the arm up to parallel. This will strengthen that supraspinatus muscle.
3. Another pretty standard set of exercises for the upper back. On my stomach, raise the arms in an I, T, Y, W position. I'm starting with just bodyweight although she told me to use 2 lb weights. Once I'm comfortable with just bodyweight, I'll start using weights.

One set of 20 reps for each exercise every day.

I'm still working on the sore low back. I'm having a lot (a lot!) of discomfort in the hips. It's not pain really, just more of a heaviness. I'm focusing on using a lacrosse ball to target painful areas over the sacrum and then stretching the hip flexors, hamstrings and glutes for extended (2 min) periods of time every day. I'm also working on painful areas around the bottom of the scapula near the armpit of the left arm. I assume this is related to the torn rotator but it has gotten a lot more painful since I stopped working out.

So basically I'm a mess. I've been swimming in such a toxic stew at work for so long and I think my body has been holding in so much anger and tension just to get by. Now it needs to work itself out so I can feel normal again. I want to get back to strength training but I think for now I need just to work on lots and lots of rehab for as long as it takes. Fortunately with the new job I'll have time to do that at home. I have next week off and I've decided to spend that time focusing on lots of detox techniques (which I'll talk about in future posts), spending time alone in my favorite nature spots and working on getting my mental status healthy again.

The Farewell Tour

The long goodbye, which started two weeks ago, is coming to its end this week. I met with my boss for the first time since I gave notice. He's going the kumbaya route, all happy for me and subtly implying that it's better for me since I can't handle the stress of my job. Whatevs, dude. Believe what you will. There's going to be a long round of being taken out to lunch, after work "drinks" and taking my team out for a farewell dinner. My food has been so-so. I'm experimenting right now with going with just coffee with a few tablespoons of coconut milk first thing in the morning and delaying the first meal until 9 am. That went pretty well this morning. My first meal was protein and fat (egg salad) and coffee with coconut milk and protein powder. That held me pretty well until lunch where I had homemade chili, half an avocado and 1/4 c. mixed nuts and raisens. That held me until around 3:30 and then the afternoon hungries hit. I gave into pretzels and oreo cookies...so I've got some work to do figuring out what lunch will hold me until dinner. Dinner is going to be chicken breast, mashed sweet potato and salad.

The back is slowly getting better. I'm back to doing foam rolling along with gentle mobility. I added some stretching this evening for the hip flexors, hamstrings and glutes. I'll work on all of this twice a day until I feel totally back to normal. I still have pain in the morning after getting up but it was not as bad this morning and walking the dog was tolerable. Yesterday I got on the exercise bike yesterday for 20 minutes for some easy pedaling and that went well with no pain. I probably will do that every day until I can start walking again without pain.

Physical therapy on the shoulder starts tomorrow...soooo details to follow!

The Back Saga Continues

My bad back is slowly getting better. I was able to do without the muscle relaxant during the day yesterday. The thing that seems to bother my back the most is doing a lot of walking. After about 5 minutes, the muscles over the sacrum at the top of the glutes get so tight and painful. Fortunately, the pain goes away once I sit and allow them to relax.

I started going some very gentle mobility and stretching last night. Cat-to-neutral, pelvic tilt, pulling knees into the chest. Things like that just to start loosening the muscles. Did them again this morning right after getting out of bed. I've got grocery shopping to do today so I'll see how things go as far as walking around. I fear this is going to be a slow recovery.

When It Rains It Pours

I hope this is happening because I'm going through such an intense transition phase in my life.

Happening #1: I messed up my back doing deadlifts yesterday. I did the exact same workout I did last week and what felt pretty good last week totally messed up my lower back yesterday. Today I'm walking like an old lady and being EXTREMELY careful about what I do and how I move lest my back muscles seize up. Not fun and not fair!! I'll be sleeping on a heating pad tonight to hopefully relax the muscles. No workout tomorrow.

Happening #2: The diet saga. Doing this total 180 on my eating has proven challenging. Sunday I had a pot roast in the crockpot all day but had it turned to warm rather than low. So by dinner time that sucker was nowhere near done. Chris and I looked at each other, I said pizza, he said ok and so sausage pizza it was. However, it occurred to me that if I had a backup meal always waiting in the wings I wouldn't have this struggle in the same circumstances in future. After talking it over with Chris we agreed that eggs would be a good Plan B meal that I could always have on hand in an emergency. So out of adversity comes good.

On Monday I discovered just how quickly I get hungry after eating. Like super hungry 60-90 minutes after eating. This is the consequences of being a sugar burner. Once I started paying attention, it was so apparent what I've been fighting every day and how much of a struggle it's been to get from one meal to the next. So my goal for now is to learn to eat enough fats at each meal to go 6 hours between meals and eat only 3 meals a day. I'll still take snacks (emphasizing protein, healthy fats and veggies) in case I do get ravenous in between meals but my goal is to eventually eliminate the snacks because my body will be tuned to dipping into the fat stores instead of yelling at me to eat.

One of these days this adventure will become fun. I can hardly wait.

Catching a Break

Damn, it's been hot around here. Over 100 degree hot for the past week. I like the heat better than the cold, but this has been damn near unbearable even early in the morning. Which is when I get out for my longer walks on non-gym days. I haven't hit my 10K steps mark at all this week because of the heat but thankfully we are catching a break today and hopefully for a while. It's back down in the 70's so I'll be out at the dog park with Cappy today.

I realized after I posted yesterday that I had not reported on my Friday workout. I missed the Wednesday workout because we had guests stay overnight and it being 4th of July and all. Here's Friday's workout and then I'll get to the discussion of the shoulder issues.

BB romanian deadlift 75# x 3 x 8

Single leg leg press 20# x 3 x 10

Single leg hip thrust BW x 3 x 8

5 min cardio finisher: 4 rounds
KB swing 12 kg x 10
BW squat 5 reps (using a bar for support to stay back on my heels and use my glutes to get back up - doing this during the mobility warmup as well)
DB tight rotation 10# x 10

When I do the BW squats that way I can get to parallel and it doesn't hurt my knee at all. I'm going to try this and see if it helps me get some strength in the "getting out of the hole" portion of the squat which seems to be my main area of weakness in the movement.

Ok, shoulder report...the MRI showed a partial tear in the supraspinatus tendon with some tendonitis which sounds like, from what I've researched, the most common rotator cuff tear. The doctor (actually one of his fellows) called me and said that I don't need immediate surgery (which I already figured) but could talk to the doctor about getting it if I'm still having pain after the round of PT he prescribed. They would do it arthroscopically which is good, clean out the area and staple the tendon to the bone if necessary. I have PT scheduled over 4 weeks starting the week of July 16 so I'll see what the therapist has in store and then talk to Rog about his opinion.

So more details about the food. This week I'm focusing on eliminating all sweets, including the honey which I've been using as a sweetener for baked goods and mashed sweet potatoes. The only sweetener I'll hang onto for now is the stevia. That will be the last to go. I'm also going to pay much closer attention to my hunger levels, focusing on how long it takes to start feeling hunger after meals, how intense the hunger is and whether it goes away on its own or with drinking water. I need to start paying more attention to my body and not the clock to determine when I should be eating. Clock eating is diet mentality and I can't live that way if I want to ever incorporate fasting into my nutrition strategy.

I Never Met a Carb I Didn't Like

You may have noticed I haven't posted for a while (and haven't posted my July 1 progress pics. But that's another story.)

I had a great 4th of July. Great. Family, friends and food. That's what I wanted and that's what I got. I'm in the process of disengaging from my current place of employment and preparing for my new life. As part of that, giving notice and telling my staff was both exciting and sad. And I'm swinging back and forth between the two emotions during this transition.

So what does that have to do with carbs you ask? Well, as some know all too well, I'm a habitual lifelong overeater, specifically of sweets and other not-so-healthy carbs. Although I don't eat those foods like I once did (half gallon of ice cream, whole pan of brownies anyone?) I still gravitate towards those foods in good times and bad. I fight that battle on a daily basis and mostly win, but it's a battle nonetheless.

I gave in to my cravings over the holiday and have been struggling with coming back to the calorie tracking...no, let's be honest about it...dieting that I've trying to do since like forever. I have to get brutally honest with myself and admit this is not working for me. It worked for a while, the last two years, and I've lost a great deal of weight. But I'm struggling to get past this point. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's because I was able to achieve enough of a calorie deficit to lose weight while still eating at a high carb level and indulging in the type of foods that call my name. And if I want to keep doing that I'll stay right where I am and go no further.

Something needs to change and I think that something is that I have to say goodbye to carbs ruling my world. I need to make a lifestyle change when it comes to my food. I've been playing around with a style of eating variously called Paleo, Primal, Caveman, whatever. The theory being that human beings are genetically programmed to use fat as the primary fuel source rather than glucose and that people whose diets primarily feature glucose foods (sweets, flour and other grains, other processed foods, excessive fruits) run into problems because their bodies start looking for glucose for fuel rather than being able to tap into fat stores when food is scarce (like during fasting or even a calorie deficit).

It's a theory.

Since I have such a history of flooding my body with excess carbs, I think I'm one of those people whose bodies are unable to easily tap into fat stores for fuel. I think that's why I had such a hard time switching to intermittent fasting. My body just couldn't deal with not having a dose of glucose when it needed it.

I really want to change that because I truly don't want to be stuck here or heavens forbid start gaining the weight back. So what I'd like to do is work on reprogramming my body to be fat burning rather than sugar burning. If it's possible which again is just a theory. But I'd like to give it a chance. I want to start by taking the Whole30 Challenge to get myself weaned from sweets and other high carb foods. I want to take this as a lifestyle change and not focus on weight loss. What I'd like to see happen would be for my appetite to naturally regulate itself so that I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm comfortable and don't eat when I'm not hungry. Which I'm hoping will lead to being able to comfortably fast, either on a periodic 24 hour basis or a 14/10 hour daily basis. I'd rather create a calorie deficit using that method than having to spend so much time and mental energy tracking calories and forcing myself to fight my hunger.

My goal right now is to start the Challenge on August 1 with the next three weeks devoted to slowly eliminating all sweeteners, sugar and artificial, grains, dairy (except butter) and legumes, and slowly increasing the percentage of fat that I consume relative to protein and carb. I'll provide more details on how I'm doing that in future posts. I'm excited and scared to do this, sort of like how I feel about starting my new job. I guess as long as I'm changing my life I'd might as well really change my life.

I Feel Better Than James Brown

So much news to report...all good for a change. Yay!

1. I gave notice on Monday and told my team that I'm leaving. Not a huge surprise to them but certainly I think for my senior manager. I hope all hell breaks loose from this.

2. I had the MRI on Monday as well and made all my physical therapy appointments. I'll hear from the doctor next week what the diagnosis is and what course of treatment he recommends. I'm hoping for physical therapy now and putting off surgery (if it's needed) until spring. The shoulder is feeling much better and not any more painful than it normally is. As long as I sleep on my back and don't roll over onto it, I should be able to deal with whatever is going on in there for a while.

3. Great workout, also on Monday. I decided to add the two sets I'm not doing for dumbbell presses to the rack pulls. I started with two sets of 3, then two sets of 5 and 1 set of 8. Might as well work on the heavy lifts rather than more redundant accessory exercises.

Here's the details:
Rack pull 135# x 2 x 3, 125# x 2 x 5, 115# x 1 x 8
Wall ankle MOB 3 x 10

One arm DB row (5 sec eccentric) 22.5# x 3 x 8
Goblet squat (5 pulses at the bottom) 10# x 3 x 6

Dead bug 2 x 13

The squats weren't too bad. I can feel a pull in my knee about 10 degrees from parallel which gets better after each set. I'm thinking about doing a bodyweight version of this as a mobility warmup. Must run this by the Rog.

Today I'm just chillaxin' (as the kids say) with some friends and getting used to the idea that my whole life will be changing in 2 1/2 weeks. No pressure there! LOL I'm excited and scared at the same time but that will get better the more the new routine falls into place.

So for now....Happy Fourth of July!!!

Celebration

Yesterday was a lost day as far as the Sexification Challenge journey goes but it was a "found" day for me personally. Two fantastic things happened that required (REQUIRED, I tells ya!) a celebration. Which always includes food, dontcha know?

Number one, I signed the acceptance letter for my new job. Say hello to Lumedx's newest project manager. My start date is July 30. Next week I'll give notice even though my boss is out of town. I'm not waiting and certainly not giving him more than a week of my time to transition. The fallout from that will be the hot story for the next three weeks.

Number two, my son came home last night. He brought his new Trans AM and his new body with him. He has lost so much weight it's incredible. Ah, to be young again and able to shed weight so easily. I'm really proud of him.

Anyway, we celebrated both events by going out to dinner at Alex's favorite restaurant. I had a taste for Mexican, especially refried beans, so I had the chicken burrito and at all the guac and sour cream that came with it. Needless to say, the belly she be full today. Back to the low cal, low carb regime today. We're off to the drag races this evening. It's the NHRA Nationals which means the best of top fuel, funny cars and pro stocks. It's going to be a scorcher today but we'll have fun. Food will be packed because I'm not eating the junk that will be available there. The shoulder is feeling a lot better and is practically back to normal. However, I decided to skip the gym yesterday and wait to talk to the Rog-inator on how to modify things until I get a diagnosis on this possible rotator cuff tear.

Here's some pics of a boy and his car (with bonus hubby):

Sigh

Damn shoulder. Looks like I'm being forced to get this thing treated. I had another bad night last night. The shoulder felt better yesterday and ok when I went to bed but then I woke up a few hours later with so much pain I couldn't get comfortable or get back to sleep. I made an appointment with the orthopedic doctor and saw him this afternoon. He said it's very possible I have a rotator cuff tear although unlikely it's a complete tear. So first step is an MRI which I have scheduled for Monday afternoon. Then I see him again the following week and hopefully the verdict will be physical therapy rather than surgery.

I'll go to the gym tomorrow and do the exercises I can do that won't affect the shoulder and then maybe hop on the bike. Until I get this taken care of, I suppose it will be lots of steady state cardio for fat burning and hopefully not lose too much muscle.

It's always something...

The Waiting is Over

Getting the bad news out of the way first. I'm not going to the gym this morning. I slept funny on my left shoulder last night and now I have pain somewhere deep in the side deltoid/triceps area. Dang it sucks to get old. I'll spend the day working that one out.

And now the good news! I got the job offer I was waiting for! Yes, that's right. It looks like our long national nightmare is over. Chris and I are going over the details about benefits and other things to figure out just how much less I'll be making by taking this job. It's definitely going to put a hit on the bottom line. But unless something really stands out as a showstopper then I'll be accepting the offer by the end of the week. Since the big bad boss will be out of town the following two weeks, I can't give notice until he gets back. So I'll give two weeks notice with my last day being July 27 and start the new job July 30. No time off for Nancy but that's ok. It will seem like a vacation being at home even if I'll working.

So things are going well. I'm just kind of exhausted mentally and emotionally but I've been that way for a while. I can take it a little longer knowing there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, I just remembered I promised to post the recipe for the sweet potato brownies. Since I don't want to have to reproduce the whole thing, here's the link to the original with nice pictures of what they look like. Enjoy!

The Start of Another Week

Monday, Monday...can't trust that day...

Woke up groggy and definitely not into diving into another work week. However...my allegedly amazing ass got dragged out of bed, into some workout clothes and out the door after some of my freshly made concentrated coffee. With coconut milk and chocolate protein powder for a high powered mocha latte. Yum! Topped off with a couple of pumpkin muffins and a banana and I was willing to face the day.

I continue to knock out awesome workouts.

Rack pull 125# x 2 x 8, 115# x 1 x 10
Wall ankle MOB  3 x 10

One arm DB row (5 sec eccentric) 22.5# x 3 x 8
Goblet squat (5 pulses) 10# x 3 x 5

Alt. DB incline press 15# x 3 x 15

Fun time! Deadbugs   2 x 12 slow and strict

The squats were ok. I went as low as I could until I felt pulling in the knees (which got better with each set). So as long as I don't screw up my knees any further, I'm ok with what I can do.

Best part of the day.;.I'm down another 1/2 lb. I was 217.8 lb this morning. Hoping to get down to 217 by the weekend and picture time.

Hello Weekend

So glad to see the week end, although I have a work project to attend to this morning. So it's on to farmers markets, cooking, grilling, partying with friends...just a typical summer weekend in the Midwest.

Sexification-wise, this was an awesome week. Last week was good but I knew I could do better, so mission accomplished! Increasing the calorie deficit and ramping up the walking resulted in a 1.4 lb loss. I'm down to 218.6 lb. and right on track. My knees continue to give me fits. I did decide to eliminate the bodyweight squats and had a great workout. However, I walked at lunch and that seemed to make my left knee very pissed off because it started being stiff and sore sometime in the afternoon. By the time I went home, it was very painful. Aspirin at bedtime has helped and although I can feel a bit of soreness it's practically back to normal. But this is getting really old (or more probably it's just me getting old). I think I need to reconcile myself to the fact that aches and pains are going to be a normal thing that I have to manage on a daily basis. That sucks but what are you gonna do?

Here's yesterday's workout:
BB romanian deadlift 75# x 3 x 10

Unilateral leg press 20# x 1 x 11, 20# x 2 x 10
Unilateral DB push press 17.5# x 3 x 7

Cable face pull 17.5# x 3 x 16
Single leg hip thrust 3 x 8

Cardio finisher: 3 rounds in 4:44
KB swing 12 kg x 15
DB uppercut 12.5# x 5
DB tight rotation 12.5# x 10

The hip thrusts are getting a little bit easier and it feels like the left side is coming up to the right. I'm not going to add any reps until I feel like they are totally even. That is one badass (but is giving me a good ass!) exercise.

Baking brownies today but not just any brownies. Sweet potato brownies. Details tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Workout and an Update

I tweaked my knee again during yesterday's workout. First set of step-ups and boom! I guess I need to be super uber careful when doing anything that involves putting weight on that knee while it's bent. It feels better this morning so I'm still debating doing the bodyweight squats tomorrow but I'll decide on how it feels tomorrow morning.

Here's the details:
Lat pulldown with 3-sec pause  50# x 3 x 8
Wall ankle MOB 3 x 10

Step up  15# (each hand) x 3 x 8
DB hammer curl  10# x 3 x 15

One arm cable row 40# x 3 x 13
Half kneeling Palloff press 25# x 3 x 10

For fun: Cable pullthrough 50# x 3 x 6

I think I'm getting closer to an offer being made on the project management job. My background check came back all clear (whew!). And as quite a surprise, I got a callback from the hospital administrator job I had interviewed for before I went on vacation. I figured they had moved on since I never was contacted again after the interview. But they want me back for a second interview. I'll schedule one in case I don't get the PM job. It's nice to know I have options.

Killin' It

So I had a good week last week but I knew I could do so much better. There was no weight loss last week so I knew I had to tight things up and get tough with myself about being more active.

Two things I've changed this week:
1. Cut calories on my three high days from 2250 to 2100. A small cut that slightly increases the weekly deficit.
2. Shoot for 10,000 steps a day instead of 8000 which had been my goal. This includes actually doing a scheduled 30 minute walk on non-gym days.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I look slimmer. Maybe I'm just wearing better fitting clothes. I'm looking forward to pictures at the end of the month to see if it's just my imagination or not.

Yesterday's workout:
Rack pull 125# x 2 x 7, 115# x 1 x 10

One arm DB row 20# x 2 x 14, 20# x 1 x 13
Goblet squat  10# x 3 x 5

Alternate incline DB press 15# x 2 x 14

Fun time!
Single leg hip thrust  2 x 8
Waiters walk  12.5#/16 kg x 2 x 50 ft each way

I'm continuing to gain strength which is a good sign and makes me really happy. I can see the outline of biceps and deltoids when I look at my non-flexed arm. So the muscle is there quietly waiting to be uncovered. Fat stripping in progress!

Kryptonite

Kryptonite...the one thing in the universe that disrupts Superman's superpowers and renders him no more than an ordinary human. I think every human has their own kryptonite as well and that's that one food that no matter what they are powerless to resist and become as helpless as a baby. Well, maybe only metaphorically speaking but you get the picture.

Well, I encountered my kryptonite last night. Brownies. That little tidbit of chocolate heaven, all dense and chewy. Chris and I went to the casino last night and ate dinner at their buffet. I'd never eaten at their buffet before but only at their steakhouse (which is so-so). So I didn't have high hopes for the buffet but figured if I stuck to meat and veggies I'd be ok. And actually the buffet wasn't too bad. There was acceptable beef, chicken and Italian sausage and I had a ittle bit of all of that. There was steamed broccoli, sauteed spinach and a nice tomato salad, so some of that went on the plate. They even had unsweetened sweet potatoes. I ate until just satisfied which I am learning happens pretty quickly with meat and veggies. Then the kryptonite struck. Chris came back from the dessert bar with chocolate cake and my lizard brain started thinking brownies. And wouldn't let go until I went and got one. It was delicious, I savored it and ate just one so the damage wasn't bad.

Now obviously food kryptonite isn't a physical thing, it's a mental thing. I'm the one who gives it superpowers. I'm the one that puts it on a pedestal. I'm the one who keeps saying it's the one food I can't resist. Because I believe it. So the key to defeating kryptonite is to change my belief that this food is anything special. This food (and other chocolate foods like cake, cookies and ice cream) needs to be put in the same category as other foods, namely just one more option to fuel the body and an option that is my choice to eat or not eat. And that choice should be made infrequently and ahead of time, not at the spur of the moment.

I Have an Engine in My Caboose

A funny thing happened this week. I was walking down the hallway and, without really thinking about it, my pelvis tucked underneath me. Gosh, I thought, there's something happening back there. It's like there's a little engine propelling me along as I walk. And I realized that finally, finally, my glutes are engaging. Hallejuah!

But as good as that news is, I have better news. I'm 90% certain that I'll be made an offer for job I've been interviewing for. I'm so happy and relieved. It's taken a long time to get through the process, even involving three interviews when I was recently in Seattle. Now it appears that it's over. I had the final interview yesterday with the hiring manager and the person I'd be replacing. Today I got a call from the HR person wanting my references and my salary expectations. That means they're just doing the final vetting before making an offer. I talked to Chris tonight and he said try to negotiate as high a salary as I can but whatever they offer, take the job. And I couldn't be happier. Life is going to change for the better in so many ways!

Today's workout:

BB Romanian deadlift  75# x 3 x 9

Unilateral leg press  20# x 3 x 10
Unilateral DB push press  20# x 1 x 6, 17.5# x 2 x 6

Cable face pull  17.5# x 2 x 15
Single leg hip thrust 2 x 8

Cardio finisher: 4 rounds done in 5:22
Weighted glute bridge (substitute for bw squats)   25#
DB upper cut   12.5#
DB tight rotation  12.5#

Hump Day

Dieting is such a pain in the ass. You have to deal with ignoring food all around you, spend inordinate amounts of time planning and prepping food and fighting hunger at all times of the day and night. Monday night I suffered bad insomia because the tummy was growling all night keeping me awake. This is somewhat unusual because Monday is a high calorie day. Now, "high" is a relative term. I'm still in a defict on my high calorie days, just not as much as other days. Usually if I have insomia, it's on the low calorie days. Having that happen on a high calorie day made me concerned that my hunger levels were leading me to an eventual binge. So I decided to up my calories a bit today to give my body and mind a small break.

So as I was putting together my food plan for the day, I added an extra 500 calories which brought my intake up to 250 calories over maintenance. Not enough to do any damage, just enough to feel satisfied.

So on to today's workout.

Lat pulldown 50# x 3 x 8
3-way ankle MOB 3 x 10

Step up 15# (each hand) x 3 x 8
DB hammer curl 15# x 1 x 10, 10# x 2 x 15

One arm cable row 40# x 3 x 12
Half kneeling Palloff press 20# x 3 x 10

Fun time! Cardio finisher!! 5 minutes!!!
Farmers walk, 16 kg kettlebell in each hand. Walk 40 ft across the gym, put down kettlebells, do 5 jumping jacks. Pick up kettlebells and walk back again. Do 5 jumping jacks, turn around and do it again.

I did 8 rounds. It was epic.

Monday's Workout

In my excitement about posting my dog park pictures, I totally forgot to post my workout on Monday. Which was awesome, of course.

Rack pull 125# x 1 x 6, 115# x 2 x 9
3-way ankle MOB 3 x 10

One are DB row 20# x 3 x 10

Alternate DB incline press 15# x 2 x 13

Fun time:
Single leg hip thrust 2 x 8
Waiters walk 12.5#/16 kg x 2 x 50 ft.

Booyah!

I love days when I have tons of win.

Win #1: I'm down to 220 lb., 3 lbs down from June 1. One step closer to my goal!

Win #2: A great workout. Taking advice from Rog, I cut out the goblet squats. Instead I did single leg hip thrusts again during the fun time portion. The fun comes from feeling good about myself completing the sets and reps I wanted to do and knowing that I'm addressing a real weakness. Overcoming this will improve my performance in so many things.

Win #3: My last phone interview for the job I'm going for is set for Thursday. Hopefully I'll have a decision within the next week and be on my way to a new way of life.

I'll end by posting some pics of my dog and the dog park where we went walking yesterday. No hot and sweaty pics of me though!

This is Cappuchino (Cappy for short):

Here she is on the trail:

This is a beautiful park. Tons of land and many groomed and less groomed trails.

Check out this hill. Most people go around the railroad ties along the side. I go up and down stepping over the ties. More work for the quads! How about some sprints up this hill? (Maybe not yet)

First Saturday of the Summer

If today was any indication, it's going to be a hot summer. Ninety degrees in early June. Today was one of those days that I like best...all day to get things done and no deadlines or schedules. Plenty of time in the morning to have coffee and breakfast, check ALL my favorite blogs, do some foam rolling and mobility and get spruced up for a day of Saturday shopping.

First things first, here's my food for today:
Calories: 1765
Protein: 28.4%
Carb: 32.1%
Fat: 39.5%

During my rounds of the grocery stores, one of my favorite things is to go to Barnes and Noble to look at magazines and then next door to Panera for lunch. It may not sound like a whole lot of excitement but I spend so much time all week either on the phone or in meetings that it's a treat to have some peace and quiet.  And a nice salad with chicken. After I got home and put the groceries away, I went out for a walk with a frozen water bottle in hand.

I think I'll be doing that a lot this summer.

Challenges

A good end to a good week. Food was good all week, although I didn't lose as much as I'd like, I was up to 222.4 lb this morning so I'm only down 1/2 lb this week. I need to walk more.

Food yesterday:
Calories: 1779
Protein: 29.5%
Carb: 27.3%
Fat: 43.2%

Unfortunately, my knee is still giving me problems. For some mysterious reason, I wake up in the morning and my knee is sore. I don't know what the heck I'm doing to it. But points for me, I go to the gym anyway. And do the workout as best I can. Actually, the only exercises that were a problem were the leg press and the bodyweight squat. I did the movements but not to full ROM. You do what you can. The exercise that was the real challenge though was the single leg hip thrust. I have a serious imbalance between my left and right sides. The left was signficantly harder than the right. I got all the reps in but barely.

Here's the full workout:
BB romanian deadlift 65# x 1 x 12, 75# x 2 x 8

Unilateral leg press 20# x 3 x 10
Unilateral db push press 15# x 3 x 6

Cable face pull 15# x 3 x 15
Unilateral hip thrust BW x 3 x 8

And the cardio finisher for 5 minutes -
BW squat  10 reps (4 rounds)
DB uppercut 5 reps (4 rounds)  - total fun. Love these.
DB tight rotation 10 reps (3 rounds)

So the day was full of challenges but failure was not an option so those challenges were overcome. Booyah!

The Calm Before the Storm

I slept better last night. I could have slept at least three more hours but I dragged my ass out of bed anyway. The day was going really well and then...da da da!...an email from Rog with my workout for Friday. It seems Rog was so impressed with my program yesterday, he decided he needed to one-up me by giving a workout with not one, not two but three unilateral exercises. And a cardio finisher to boot. I'm soooo looking forward to tomorrow morning!

Here's the food report for yesterday:
Calories: 2262
Protein: 30.3%
Carb: 28.3%
Fat: 40.4%

I'm making an experiment for dinner tonight. Meatloaf made with Italian sausage instead of ground pork. We'll see how it goes. Report tomorrow.

On My Own

I hate it when I have trouble sleeping. On a good night I get 7 hours but usually it's 6. So when I either can't fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night, it's really disruptive. Last night I woke up around 12:30 pm and couldn't fall back asleep until around 2:30 am. And I get up at 4:30 am. Usually when this happens I'll bag the workout because it just seems too much.

But this morning I decided I wouldn't do that. I checked my email and there was no workout from Rog. So, guess what? Nancy gets to design a program (or at least one day!). And I think I did a pretty good job.

Thusly:
Unilateral Leg Press 50# x 3 x 6

Alternate Floor Press 15# x 3 x 15
Plank 3 x 30 sec

One arm cable row 55# x 2 x 10
Cable Pull Through 25# x 2 x 10

For fun:
Farmers walk 16 kg (each hand) x 2 x 50 ft

On the food side of the program yesterday:
Calories: 1877
Protein: 32.5%
Carb: 28.7%
Fat: 38.8%

I'm sure the sleep thing has a lot to do with hunger and low carbs. I take ZMA before bed which helps but sometimes when the tummy is growling and craving carbs, I guess it's no surprise sleep is affected. Should be better tonight.

Two-a-Days

When my son was in high school, he went out for football his freshman and sophomore years (before he had to quit after three! concussions). At that time two-a-days meant two preseason workouts every day during the week. For me now, it means committing to doing two sessions of mobility drills, one to include foam rolling. I so want to get over all these aches and pains I've been having so I can lift as heavy as possible and continue to make progress.

I did so-so on that commitment today. I woke up really sore, stiff and creaky after yesterday's workout. Yes, doing foam rolling and mobility would be the prescription for that but I just COULD NOT bring myself to get on the mat and roller that early in the morning. Fortunately, I felt better later in the day and got in some rolling and mobility when I got home. The hips and ankles are doing better. The shoulders are doing considerably better (a miracle!). So I'm happy and figure I just better quit whining, suck it up and get used to some soreness every day if I'm going to lift heavy weights. Just the way it is if sexification is to occur.

Food was good yesterday. As so:

Calories: 2248
Protein: 32.1%
Carb: 35.9%
Fat: 32%

I hopped on the scale too and am down to 221.6 lb (1.4 lb loss). Making progress!

My Trainer is an Evil Evil Man

Ok, I don't really mean that. But the thought crossed my mind during my third set of one arm rows where I had to take 5 seconds to lower the weight, followed by goblet squats where I had to pulse up and down 5 times at the bottom of the squat. Very effective, but I really wanted to be somewhere else at that point. Since I am a beautiful badass I kept going, got through that and more besides.

Thusly:
Rack pulls 125# x 2 x 5, 115# x 1 x 8
Wall ankle MOB 3 x 10
One arm DB row 20# x 3 x 8
Goblet squat 10# x 3 x 5
Incline alternate DB press 15# x 2 x 12

And for fun:
Seated row 50# x 2 x 8
Waiters walk 10# (up)/12 kg (down) x 2 x 50 feet each way

I am SO pumped to see what's in store for Wednesday! Anywoo...food was good on Sunday. I made pulled pork and cole slaw. The pulled pork turned out fantastic. The cole slaw less so, although I've been eating it. Chris wasn't impressed and wouldn't touch it. Need to work on the dressing.

Food stats for Sunday:

Calories: 1865
Protein: 23.7%
Carb: 25.4%
Fat: 50.9%

Low calorie day tomorrow. Wish my success. Here's your moment of Zen. Behold mountains of pulled pork!

Sunday Sunday

Today's my last day of freedom. It's back to work tomorrow after a 2 week vacation. Let me tell you, I could get used to this. It's easy to eat right, get plenty of exercise and plenty of sleep when there are no morning alarm clock, no commute and no work stress to contend with. The real challenge will start tomorrow when I have to get up at 4 am to get to the gym for my workout and then get to work by 8 am for the inevitable fun and games of getting caught up with 2 weeks' worth of stuff.

But that's not now. Now is Sunday and I have been having a awesome day (except for that minor tire blowout on the expressway of which I won't bother to speak. Thank goddess for IDOT is all I've got to say.) I took Cappy to the dog park and what a pretty day it was. I'll get pictures next time I go out there. The two of us had a great walk and are now chilling out at home. I've got a pork shoulder on the grill. Pulled pork for din-dins.

Here are my macros from yesterday.

Calories: 1872
Protein: 31%
Carb: 37%
Fat: 32%

Easy peasy. Felt good all day except right before bed when I started getting hungry. That was solved by going to sleep! Sometimes it's the simple things.

The Awful Truth

I'm not proud of what I'm posting here but the first step to change is truth. Pictures are the most truthful when assessing physique changes so posting pictures is what I must do. Even if I cringe every time I see them. But that can be a good thing too. These were taken yesterday. I'll have another set taken every 30 days and put them side-by-side with the starting pics so it's easier to compare.

Pretty good start yesterday. Here are the nutrition stats. And I took a 20 minute walk.

Calories: 2211
Protein: 30.8%
Carb: 22%
Fat:  47.2%

I'm debating doing carb cycling as well as calorie cycling. I have a really difficult time maintaining an ultra-low carb level for more than a couple of days. It really saps my energy and leads to binging. I do really well around 30-35% carbs and can tolerate 25% for a while. I think I'll leave that for later in the challenge, though. First things first...I have to comfortably maintain a deficit for 30 days and then I can decide if I'm ready to tweak the plan any further.

Anywoo, on to the pictures!